So this is the second in the series of notable haircut experiences I have had while on our travels. I plan to add to the series as we go along…..even though the amount of hair to cut is disappearing fast!!
It should be noted that these haircuts do not require high tech tools or an abundance of hair cutting talent. This is because, sadly but inevitably, there is not that much hair left to cut!
So a haircut is perhaps a bit of an exaggeration. A clipper cut with number two on the sides and a number 4 over whatever is still left on top does the trick.
Which brings us to the fastest haircut in the west.
We were in Blenheim, on the north end of the South Island of New Zealand. Good wine country!
I needed a haircut and so we asked Mr Google for barber options and one came up just round the corner from where we had parked. “Sweet as” as the (younger) Kiwis often say when something meets their approval 🙂
Quick diversion. If you are not used to the Kiwi accent, “sweet as” can sound like “sweet ass” which has an entirely different meaning and has no doubt got some of them into a spot of trouble in foreign lands. But back to my haircut.
We found the esteemed establishment and I went in to see if they could give me a quick haircut. Perhaps using the term “quick” was a mistake given what happened in the chair – but who knows?
Anyway, there was a bit of a queue but I was told if I was happy to take a seat, she (the barber) would be able to squeeze me in. I sat down and Dianne headed off to do a bit of a recce around the local shops.
The plan was clear. As soon as it was my turn, I would WhatsApp Di and she would come back and take a picture of me in the chair a la my Dubai haircut.
So much for planning!
Soon enough my time for a haircut arrived and I duly sent off the WhatsApp to summon the photographer. She was less than two blocks away. She didn’t make it back in time.
What followed was a lesson in the frugal and efficient use of tools and time. All governments and other bureaucratic laden organizations could learn a thing or two from this small business tucked away in a side street of Blenheim.
The Normal Procedure
So normally my clipper cuts go something like this:
Chat, chat, chat……what would you like done…..chat, chat, chat. Afix number 2 guide onto clipper….chat, chat, chat. Gently use clippers to shave around the sides of the head. Stand back and admire handy work and note areas still needing attention.
Chat, chat, chat…..tidy up around the edges. Replace number 2 guide with the number 4 guide and address whatever hair is left on the top of my head.
Then a cut throat razor usually appears and all the fluffy bits on the neck are quickly removed. Some further muttering and tut tuts as stray hairs are hunted down, a final all over appraisal and then the mirror is whisked out to enable inspection of the artistry performed on the back of my head.
But Not in Blenheim
So back to the fastest haircut in the west.
Skill, dexterity and innovation to the fore.
I was invited to sit in the chair and asked what I would like done. I replied with my normal recipe of No. 2 on the sides and No. 4 on top
Then something quite remarkable and unexpected happened. And thinking about it, I have no idea why this hasn’t happened before. But without hesitation, the No. 4 guide was attached and my whole head got the number 4 treatment.
THEN out came the No. 2 guide and diligent attention was duly applied to the sides and back of my head. Then off came the guide and the bare clippers took care of any neck fluff.
Total time elapsed…….no more than 3 minutes. Cost $NZ 25. If she kept that up she could retire a millionaire within the year.
However, truth be told, it was a totally adequate haircut as you can see below.
And this is where my dear wife found me – outside on the pavement, haircut done and dusted and paid for.
So if you land up in Blenheim, treat yourself to some of the great wines grown there and, if you dare, then try out the fastest haircut in the west!
Read more of our travel adventures.
